When I was at school, before I had that first-ever wince-inducing swig of Cinzano which changed everything, I had plenty of hobbies. I loved to read, sketch, paint with watercolours, make things, write. I was hyperactive: high-jumping at sports day; cross-country running for Kent. Recently, I’ve been thinking about the expression we use when we decide to stop using alcohol: ‘giving up’ drinking.
Drinking alcohol is ingrained in our culture; buried deep in our collective psyche. Alcohol is the only drug there is that we have to justify not taking. How crazy is that? 87% of the population drink alcohol - we’re all at it. Anyone who decides not to consume this drug is considered unusual; an anomaly.
As adolescents, drinking is considered rebellious; cool. As adults, sobriety is seen as rebellious - but often in a negative, uptight kinda way. So it stands to reason that the language used for quitting drinking is subconsciously negative too: the expression ‘giving up’ is another term for abandoning something, surrendering, losing courage...yet choosing to stop imbibing poison is none of those things. ‘Giving up drinking’ takes effort, guts and fortitude.
It’s not easy to go against the grain, to be different; fighting against the current of life, like the upstream-swimming salmon - something which I already have prior knowledge of since I am not a mother, in a pronatalist society where over 80% of women have children (a damning infertility diagnosis put paid to that).
Although I had no choice in my status as a non-mother, it has toughened me up and taught me a lot - not least that being different to the norm is not always a bad thing. Just because most women have children, it doesn’t mean this is the only valid life path, just as non-drinkers are no less fun or gregarious than their wine-guzzling counterparts. Just because the majority of people live or behave a certain way doesn’t make conformity the only way or the right way; it doesn’t make it better.
Whilst pondering the meaning and connotations surrounding ‘giving things up’ I thought about that old, pre-alcohol-drinking me, and the things she liked to do. This led me to think about all the things I stopped doing around the time I discovered alcohol. Was it a coincidence that at the time I started drinking I also gave up running, painting and crafting? I think not.
It turned out that my new-found interest in alcohol as a teen resulted in me ‘giving up’ these other healthier, more wholesome pastimes. Was it the shift in brain chemistry and dynorphin production (see my previous post here on this molecule which acts as a dopamine-inhibitor to counteract the alcohol high) which meant I found less enjoyment from these everyday activities, post-alcohol?
Alcohol is so addictive, so seductive in its insidious nature, that we overlook all the things it takes from us and try to convince ourselves of the positives it gives: fun, social connection, stress relief. But if we’re honest with ourselves, we can see that alcohol takes away so much more than it will ever give - sapping money, health, relationships, hobbies and goals.
I have ‘given up’ alcohol, but it’s not a bad thing; I don’t feel deprived. It’s no sacrifice. Instead of thinking “I can’t drink anymore” I simply think “I don’t have to drink anymore”. I’m free. I retrained my unconscious mind, so now I am free of the shackles of alcohol. I gave up a lot to devote myself to the weekly cycle of drinking and recovering. When I gave up alcohol, I gave up giving things up to make way for my habit. What did you give up when you started drinking? Would you like to reclaim those pastimes?
Lately I’ve been running 5k a day, writing...who knows, I may even invest in some art materials during this lockdown and unleash my dormant inner Picasso. There are so many dimensions to your character that can be masked over time by alcohol, and the perpetual cycle of drinking and recovery that occurs when you’re living for the weekend. When you take off the mind-numbing mask that is alcohol, you are free to rediscover the old, multi-faceted you that was always there, underneath the party girl persona, desperate to be seen. Remember her?
So instead of telling yourself and others that you’re ‘giving up drinking’ why not change the narrative? After all, by giving up drinking, you’re ditching so
much more: the hangovers, the hang-xiety, the weight gain...
By ‘giving up’ alcohol you are creating an opportunity to reclaim all the activities - the life - you ‘gave up’ when you started drinking poison in the first place.
Alcohol free?
Alcohol freedom, you mean 😌.
Day 159.
Sam x
Fancy reading my back-story before you go any further? You can find my other blogs at:
www.worldwidewalsh.blogspot.com
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